Apr 4

Written by: Denis
4/4/2008 10:13 AM

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

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CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since
it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Rotten
things!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I
must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -
and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate
with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe...

For now...

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